We’re in the throes of March Madness, the month-long basketball tournament where 68 college teams compete until the final championship between the last two teams standing. While it’s fun to watch lanky men throwing a basketball across a court, it’s even better to see what these hulking athletes are wearing for jerseys.
Unfortunately, the basketball extravaganza ends on April 4th, so we have a limited time left to see these polyester balls. Luckily for you, I have a keen eye and was able to spot the good, the bad, and the ugly in terms of player uniforms before it was too late.
This year, I admit, the tournament was pretty boring in the fashion department. The teams all had similar uniforms: the monochromatic combination of long basketball shorts and polyester sleeveless tops. Therefore, discerning the good from the bad was not an easy task.
However, I must give first place to Saint-Pierre. Their monochromatic dark blue uniforms were simple and elegant. The team shorts weren’t too long, and the gray detailing on the sides of the uniform shirts helped break up the dark blue. Moustached Doug Edert made the uniforms even hotter, and I found myself unable to take my eyes off his outfit, as well as his very expressive face.
Tennessee is in second place. Their uniform consists of a white and orange shirt and shorts set. The shorts have a tasteful triangle cutout along the hem which helps the uniform stand out among other teams. Also, white and orange as a color combination always look great together.
Finally, the entire Kentucky team was fashionable and different. The all-white uniform was broken up with blue plaid side panels on the shirt and shorts. While the uniforms slightly resembled the flags used to start NASCAR races, no other team matched them and they stood out on the field.
The bad uniforms weren’t so badly designed, but rather just plain boring.
First up we have UCLA, which dressed its players in an all-blue uniform with gold piping. The athletes looked like runaway Blue Man Group teammates. One player even wore a blue T-shirt under his uniform, which should be considered a crime against fashion.
Then there’s Iowa State with red and yellow dichromatic sets. Their uniforms were similar to UCLA’s in that they were too overwhelmed by a single color. The players all seemed to be trying to dress up as fire sticks. Some players even wore red compression pants under their already very long basketball shorts. If they wore gold compression pants instead, I would have rated them higher.
The ugly one
I was eating a sandwich while watching the Kansas vs. Miami basketball game. As soon as I saw Miami’s atrocious uniforms, I had to throw away my spinach poppyseed wrap because I had lost my appetite. The uniforms are a grotesque combination of bright orange, gray and dark green. Whoever created those unsightly shorts and shirts must have been colorblind or trying to prank Miami. It’s no surprise they lost to Kansas, which had players dressed in tasteful red, white and blue uniforms.
Overall, I wish the basketball jerseys were more interesting. We need uniforms with attractive cuts and colors. I guess the point of the game is to be a good player, not a trendy player. However, this is the exact reason why I will never understand the sport.